Lots to say.

You know.. i keep saying so much here..

But the thing is.. when i meet Michelle.

I ended up saying nothing at all.

Even agreeing to whatever she has to say.

I'm so tempted to discuss this with Ryan.
But i know he'll sure confront his sister if i do so.

I don't want anything bad to happen.
I wish nothing bad will happen later.

I rather shut up than to agree with what my friend say..
But i cannot help myself.

I'm already so not confident from the start.

Already feel that he's younger, not so stable etc.
so much barrier...
yet, i thought about giving it a try.

then, the biggest obstacle came.
My friend, his sister.

I totally lost it.

Shit man.

Going out with Michelle and friends later...

They'll sure bring Ryan into the topic.

I really don't know what to do.

After my previous relationship that failed so badly,
I feel that i've really lost my courage and strength to pursue my happiness.

She keep saying she's against it.
Then i agree with her.


When she said, "my baby brother is still very young..."

i said, "ya. i want older man."

she, "my brother likes sporty kind of girls.. not the demure type."

me, "oh, i'm very demure."

then she laughed.. haha.. cos nobody will say herself demure.
LOL.

she, "his ex gf is a netball player."

me, "oh, i don't play netball. i swim."

Can you tell me what the hell am i doing?

why am i talking so much rubbish?

I just don't want to upset anybody.
But i'm upsetting myself.

How can i continue talking to him when I'll probably end up hurting him since his sister is so against it.

I don't wish to talk about him later with them.

She's always trying to make me say that i like him, yet she's against it.
Yet, sometimes she will say that we should be friends etc..

I don't know.

I want to delete him off my MSN.

But she said cannot.. later scared he'll be upset with her.

Ok lor. everything my fault.

So i bear the consequences if anything happen.

I can't take it if anything goes wrong.
I know i can't.

I'm so scared...

=(