:(

Can't sleep.

Think i'm too stressed.

Maybe that's why i have breakouts on my face.

I still feel we are not financially ready to be married by 2012...

All these we have to prepare in cash..... on confirmation.

Buffet - $2000
Gown- $2600
Rings- $1300
Hotel- $3000
Church fees- ??
Deco - ??
Photography - $1000
Videographer - $1100 +
+ (Plus express highlights - $XXX)
Transportation - $XXXX

House - $10, 000??
ZR's sch fees - $xx, xxx?

+ Many other costs that i might have missed out.
maybe re paint the house or at least my room?
delivery of my photo album?
renovation?

I really just want to ROM..
just sign the paper....

maybe we really should let our pastor understand.
we simply cannot afford.

For now, we both have no savings.
He's still studying all the way till end of 2012...

Still.. even by 2013, we'll not have much savings.
we can barely afford... but at least i won't feel so stress planning,
because by then, we will both graduate.

I don't feel like planning anymore.

It's too stressful.

Jess... don't let others influence you.
No matter what they say.
You know in your heart that you are doing what's right.
I will still honour God.
But the reality of this world makes it difficult to hold our wedding.

I will honour God when I'm ready. Not just financially.
But spiritually.
With a ready and happy heart.

But i will still go for the marriage prep course.
For now, i'm just planning for wedding.

I'm need to know what's marriage.
Not just plan aimlessly.

We keep changing plans because of financial difficulties..

That shouldn't be the way.

I feel a wedding and marriage is when a couple is ready for it.
All the way.

Not like this.
Changing of plans all the time.
This shouldn't be the way.

I hope people would understand and stop telling me that i should hold the wedding blah blah blah.

Cos we are ready for marriage.. but not wedding.
I'm just gonna say that.


If anyone insists or try to influence me, i will say, if there's someone who's gonna sponsor us, not, just lend that huge sum of money, we will go ahead.
and return by installments.
At least $10k, any willing ppl?
If no, then no.

I don't want ppl to tell me that they help me plan the cost.
I know how to plan the cost.
I need to know who can help finance the cost.

Don't tell me to choose the cheapest way out.
No i don't like it.
That's not my choice.
That's yours.
Anyway, we can't even afford the cheapest of all the things okay?

Enough is enough.
I had enough.

It's me and ZR getting married.

Nobody should influence us.

This is a marriage between us.

Let us make the decision.
Not anybody else.

I really don't feel we are ready all of a sudden.
I don't feel happy planning this anymore.
It's too stressful for both of us.
I stress in planning, he stress in financing.

We honour God through our commitment to each other.
Not a church wedding to show others.
We will do it when we are ready.

Not this way.
Not asked, requested, hinted by others.

We do it when we are ready.
When we want to.

God knows when we are ready.
With a willing and ready heart.
With peace in our hearts and minds.

It is the best for us and God.


Remember, we are all human.
Humans err.
Sometimes, these are interpretations of yours.
Not ours. Not our calling.

Don't force me to the edge.
If anyone's unhappy, I'll leave the cell group.
I'll leave the church.