something, somewhere, somehow just doesn't feel right..

And again i have 1001 million thoughts racing through my mind..

I just feel terrible.

I think i actually have depression or some anxiety problem like my mother.

Life:

Major thing is about the wedding now.
It cost a bomb.
We had to borrow.

I feel it's not time to get married but we want to say our vows in church and our pastor doesn't allow if we were to be married in ROM.
HDB also rushed us for our ROM cert.

In the end, we made major decisions hastily.
Bad mistake.

Work:

I'm new at work.
But i feel a very heavy burden and responsibilities on my shoulders.
I don't want to be seen as someone incompetent.
Yet, I feel I am really not good enough.

I want to be a good teacher.
I want to be good in art.

But the fact is, I'm not.
My results show.
Compared to my classmates in school, i think i produce shitty art works.

Health:

Still taking Isotretinoin.
Maybe that's why i might have some depression since it's stated the medicine can cause it.


I'm reducing my dosage, and soon gonna stop.
I'm not looking forward to break out again.
Seriously.




Money (don't tell ZR):
I signed another package with facial. zr will kill me.
i feel extremely guilty that i need the money for wedding yet i went to pay for something ridiculous.
i must have really trusted New York Skin Solutions.
I wish they can show me results.
I'm hoping this time it will work.



I told myself not to sign anything more with them...

But i'm desperate..
I don't want to take medication anymore...
I also don't want a face full of pimples,
it's really itchy and ugly.
I will feel miserable.


Maybe that's why i can't sleep now.

In fact, I feel miserable now.

Next time, whenever i go NYSS, I will not bring my NETS card out.

Why do i need to go to this extent?

I'm so lousy at self-control?

Or I'm really desperate for solutions.

I hate myself.