Crazy rush

I've decided to open up my blog again since I'm going to be a student for the next 2 years.
If my ex-students happen to see this private domain of mine.. that's their luck. LOL.


I have super a lot of things to do.

That fear.
It's scary.

But I just wanna remind myself here again of a couselling module i had.

On Monday, I became a counselee and I have a counselor whom i told my problems to. (So that we can learn how our future students feel like when being counseled.)

And on Thursday, I learn the skills as a counselor.

Long story, cut short -

I told my counselor that i expect a lot on myself and gave myself too much pressure.

She told me to change my mindset.. etc..

So now, i'm trying my best yet not expecting high returns.
It really made me feel so much better now.
I no longer push myself to the limit.

But of course, i still work very hard..
i didn't really meet anyone.
I feel sad and helpless about this.
I had to make a choice.

One immediate effect is, if my grades drop, i will stop recieving $2500 stipend every six month.
Although the amount is small. but i still needed it because i'm not from a rich family.

One part of me, wanted to work hard, get at least second upper degree,
this degree will follow me and leave a mark in my life.
It will affect my salary and future advancement.
i just cannot ignore the fact.

another part of me just feel contented to be where i am today.
i'm here to learn. i've learnt a lot. just that i feel i don't have the time to apply all into my art work due to time constraint. so i shouldn't be too hard on myself.

I looked at my close friends facebook updates very often..
I really envy them going out.. i really wanted to join them..
but i can't.. at the same time, i know i can never be as close to them like before..
things have changed. and i've accepted it.

Even ZR, we only see each other on weekends.
yes. see.
means, he'll come by my house and watch me work.
or go out with me to help me with my photography work.
work work work.

we didn't even go out since i've started school.
we did go out for chuch, have lunch and dinner.
but not go out have a stroll.. watch movie etc..
hell.. i can't even remember what was the last movie i've watched.

ZR joked with me saying, "Dear.. we very long never go pak-tor already.."

it's true.. everyweek it's the same thing.
when i do go out and visit his parents. probably once a month. his mother will say she miss me, ask me to go visit more often. but i can't help it. i feel too busy to leave my house.

i don't know what's gonna happen in future.
but i'm just hoping for the best
because i'm doing my best.

I just want to vent out my feelings before i start my mad race against time.

Good bye.

Ready, on your mark, get set,
GO!