Love after marriage

Well... I remembered writing in one of my post that I'll work hard in this relationship...
But maybe i did not do as well as i wanted to.

I don't know if i should close one eye to ZR's messy habits.
I mean, I am also very messy, but if two person is messy, can u imagine how our house looks like?

So when our room start to become messy, i start to nag at him..
sometimes i scold him really harshly...
that's similar to a typical housewife right?
that's why men always give excuse to stray saying the wife is not loving and irritating.
I don't want to be like this.

Once he was having bad mood, so when we quarrelled,
he brought in other things -
i start to nag at him..
sometimes i scold him really harshly... (as mentioned above)
and i'm difficult to live with. :((

that really hurt me.

when we cool down, i told him i'm sad that he said i'm difficult to live with.
although he told me that he didn't mean it cos he was just having bad mood and it's his fault for all the nonsense.

but! that doesn't change his thoughts about me, cos he go around telling ppl i like to nag at him
:(

but if he doesn't throw his things all around, especially wet towels on my bed...
i have nothing to nag at him about rite?

but yea... maybe it's my fault for nagging?
i should just tell him nicely?

but i must tell him nicely 100 times a week?
and pretend i'm not frustrated about it??

i really don't know...
it's really not easy to live with another.
he knows his flaws too. at least he did not deny.



I am trying to change as well.
cos i know i am not perfect.

Maybe he's in a bad mood, and i contributed to it even more for not giving him Tender Loving Care (TLC)

I know how's my mother like... and how she nags at my dad.
I know in my heart i do not want to be like her...
unfortunately, i am like her.

at least zr told me early before marriage.
i hope i can be better.
if only be can afford a maid, our quarrels will be reduced by almost 90%.
not just physical but also mental stress.
:(

Next, would be my mentally...
we are going to be married, but i have the tendency to want to leave when we quarrel fiercely.
when we cooled down, he said, "not matter how angry i am with u, i never thought of breaking up, can you please don't give up so easily?"

i think he is right.
i think i am probably being childish like this.

i have to work on this too.

i hope i can be a good wife.

honestly, i have a good husband and i shouldn't take him for granted.
I know he really dotes on me and love me a lot.. he gives in to all my requests, he is always the first to apologise even if i was the one who's angry at little things.
what more should i ask for?

sigh... maybe i'm too greedy and really think i'm the empress who can have him do all my bidding.
i love him so much when i'm happy.
i should still love him equally when i'm angry.
he is not perfect, but neither am I.

out of the 879879822536532068797987 good things he does for me and how much he loves me,
i shouldn't be upset with his ONLY One or Two flaws...
messy, and when he's in bad mood, be prepared for him to feel upset.
that's the only two bad habits i can think of.

i should regconise and accept his feelings that he's also human who have emotions.
when i'm having bad mood, not as if i am very nice to him too.

and i'm equally messy. :(

but he never once scold or nag at me for being messy, sometimes he even help me pack
and when i'm having bad mood, he "sayang" me even more.

I'm so bad to treat him differently for the same mistake he did.

I hope this post serves as a reminder for me to reflect.

Exactly 4 months from today to our wedding

I'm so happy to have him in my life.

He gives me everything I need and more :):)

I can't be anymore happier or greedier...
So contented.

Not that he's perfect.. I still nag at him for all the mess he creates till today.. Goodness. Bad habits die hard.
X(
I'm not very neat either honestly,
But I can't stand dust.

I rather push my things around the table, like shuffling the mahjong cards, so I can wipe the dust away.

ZR can leave things around till a layer of thick dust form..
This always gives me heart attack and some volcano eruption.
It's crazy..

Sometimes I stand in the middle of his room and look really lost and as if I'm gonna cry, "so messy... So dusty..."

Then he'll pack and clean up for me. Lol.

I'm still looking at the NTUC part-time maid webpage every now and then.. Looking at their job scope although I already know.. LOL...
Makes me happy looking at it and imagine they'll help me with the chores...
Can't wait to hire one when I have the budget for it.

Other than that, I'm happy everyday -
and every second.
Really am.
Convincing?
:)))))))

To the happy day!

3 more days and we're exactly 4 months to our big day.

Gosh.. We're not even half way done with our wedding plans...

ZR and I are still have schools. plus zr also has a full-time job.

Just agreed to the printers for our wedding invites!

Will collect on April!!!

And I'll check out my gowns too!
Alteration done!

I'm really worried for my gown.
As mentioned, i'm a little too tall for almost all the gowns in Singapore.
I'm serious.

So i customised my gown by making it longer...

I dont know how it'll look like now.....................
thinking about it makes me really worried and scared that it'll look weird.

SIGH! Shall not think about it till i'm free to go down to the shop!

GOD BLESS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If it's ugly, i told ZR that I'll cry hard in the shop.
Seriously. Once in a life time gown, it'll scar me for life if it's ugly.

My heart is beating faster as i type about it. better stop!
BACK TO WORK! BYE!!

Thank God

Although we went through much ups and downs....

Lots of frustration for the both of us...

and even tears from me when planning this wedding...
because i feel everything is so out of control..

Date. Availability. Budget etc.

But everything is finally in control now.

We have a date to ourselves. 21 July 2012.

With this date, we managed to have a hotel and the videographer that i wanted.

Budget can stretch a bit more because i will graduate and have 2 months worth of pay.
Yea.. i know it's little. but it's still better than nothing!

because the first month pay makes a GREAT DEAL of differences in flower decos..
Instead of a $400-$500 package..
I can get up to $700 package!!
Yay!! Beautiful wedding decos!!
:D
Thats great enough for my ROM in church!

Second pay can have budget to hire videographer.

Plus... I have June holidays to plan too.

Thank God for giving us this date and thank God for the house.
Thank God for ZR as my husband-to-be :):)

Of course we know what we're getting into..
sometimes we do worry a little. not about the wedding.
but the marriage. the future.

Sometimes we'll ask each other things like "will we still be so loving in future?"

"do you think we will stay the same?"

"do you think we will be as happy as now?"

yes. we love each other now.
but what about the future.

it's scary not to be able to predict.

but i promise to work hard on the marriage.

do remind and encourage me if i start complaining about him in my blog in future okay.

at the moment, i already start nagging him.....
like seriously.
but no choice..

as mentioned he's really a messy person..
he throws everything around the floor..
open up any bottle caps etc, doesn't close back .
don't spread open wet towels.. smelly after being damp for so long..
worst of all, which drives me MAD... wet towel on the bed.

seriously... if he does this everyday, and i have to tell him everyday...
all the time.. morning and night...
seriously... how not to be naggy.
then i told him, if he stop doing all these, then i don't have to tell him...

i don't want to be quiet about it.. i'm not a maid...
i don't want to do it for him. he should learn.

haiiiiii.. lucky that's all i have to complain for now..

i keep telling him that we need a maid to salvage and maintain our marriage.
cos this nagging thing is making him irritated and me extremely frustated as well..
have maid, solve our marital woes. LOL.
I must treat my maid well because she is important to us.

HAHAHHAHA.. say only! NO MONEY TO HIRE !

;P

:):)

Bf getting really involved in the planning now. Really happy feeling.

He's emailing many hotels and looking at my magazine check list.
Reminding us for invitation cards etc..

Stressful. But like what he said it is "Happy-stress".

Starting to look forward to our day again.

Happy to-do list

I'm starting to look at my marriage more positively.

As mentioned in my Facebook, "Just have to keep reminding ourselves that the reason we make these decisions started only with one reason - to bond us even closer. Things are not going on the right track if it's going on the opposite direction. We can do this together. I have faith in us and God. ❤"

Putting a song that fit how i'm feeling now.
"I could make you happy. Make your dreams come true.Nothing that I wouldn't do. Go to the ends of the earth for you to make you feel my love. "



Went out to look for bridal gown.
Starting to realise.
Yes. This is coming true.
I'm really getting married.

What's more important than the man that I am going to marry?

Nothing else.

House, money, whatsoever.
They are not even close to being important compared to him.

I could lose the house, all my money.

But nothing can replace him.

Without him, house and money is nothing.

We should be happy.

We can talk things out.

We have to live our lives together as man and wife.
We have to see each other everyday for the rest of our lives.

We gotta make this work.
:):)

Suddenly felt like journaling!
A spontaneous and heartfelt work!

START SMALL

I went to my friend's new 4-room BTO flat..

It's really VERY small...

My current room is bigger than her masterbed room.

And her son's room, and study room is. ... ..*speechless*

My dream of having a small art studio in my new house is DASHED.
But if there's a will, there's a way. I might still name my little corner - *Jessica's Little Studio*
Regardless.
:D


But i will constantly remind myself as long as i can get a house,
I am already blessed by God.

What about those who stay in 3-room or studio apartment. Life goes on right?

Moreover, i used to stay in those studio apartment. Yes. Only have one bedroom, that bedroom is also the living room and dining room.

My family survived.

I shouldn't be greedy..

alrighty! i feel so much better after blogging this!
:)

Yup. we will start with a tiny 4-room,
when we earn and save enough,
there's always a choice for us to move out.

It's only a matter of time, in God's will.

My friend was really kind and her husband prayed for our marriage to have the Lord as our rock and foundation, for us to have unity in mind, to create a happy and comfortable home.

I have faith in prayers.

:):)

I'm blessed by God. This is Love.

i know you don't really know my blog. cos i didn't want you to know for now.
or maybe i-don't-know-when.
maybe when i need to?

so i'm counting on my friends to tell me this blog in case i lose my memory.
haha.. I HOPE NOT!

Honestly, we're not together for a looooooooong time, but i felt as if we were.

Like the simplest and most disgusting humanly thing i would say and do, such as laughing, burping and farting in front of you seemed all so comfortable and probably funny too.
:P

I've never been "myself" until i met you.
I've always tried to be someone more mature or lady-like whenever i go on dates.

But with you, I can be the youngest and most spoilt girl ever lived on earth.

I can whine and pout like a kid then get away with almost anything.

Little things like having a meal.
All i need to do is find a seat, "chope" the seat by sitting down, and you'll order my food, drinks and get my utensils, if i want tomato sauce or whatsoever, you'll get for me while i stick my big fat ass on the seat.

Sometimes i secretly feel happy that you're doing all these and i purposely let you do everything..
cos I've never been so pampered by anybody.. not even my parents.

i looked at you after you've done everything for me.. you behaved normally. looking around, waiting for people to serve our food.. or start eating etc.

you didn't look as if you wanted a compliment for helping me.
you did it cos it seemed natural.

this simple thing that u did, felt incredibly amazing to me.


Although my housing issue is giving us lots of problems.

You're always so patient and understanding.
Even willing to do anything just to help.

Did i mention, actually your presence with me would suffice?

but u always did more than i ask.
sometimes i didn't even ask or utter a single word.
nor even think of it.
you did it all and more.


i hope this is not temporal.
cos we're in honeymoon stage of one year plus.

I really wish you'll stay like this till we grow old together...

no one knows what happens 10 years down the road.

but at least for now, by the way you treat your parents.
i'm comforted.

people usually say how your partner treat his parents, would be how he would treat you in future.
cos 10 years down the road, there may no longer be this sparks-flying-and-butterfilies-in-stomach love.

i'll become your family member. a wife. a mother of your kids.

how you always bring your parents out for dinner whenever we're free, gave them money to spend, buy things and food for them etc.

you're doing what your father is doing. taking care of the family.
your dad always buys food back, make sure we had our meals.
i always see him helping your mum with household chores.

i've always yearn for such a dad.
cos i don't have such a caring dad.

but i hope my husband would be.
to help me fill up this "missing man" in my life.

i'm counting on you to fulfil it for me.
(*shit why am i tearing up typing this....)

pls be a nice dad.
it affects the kid a lot.
just that the adults will never know.

yet, no matter what, i still love my daddy dearly.
cos i know he dotes on me.
when i need my dad around, he'll be around.

shit.
let's skip this sad story.
cannot take it.


back to the happy parts.

i've chosen my engagement ring!!
=D
I can only google the images...
cos the shop is still preparing the ring for me.
the real ring looked much brilliant and nicer!!!
but let's just look at the photo for now ok?
hehe!

It's the first shop i went... Soo Kee in Bishan.
i love it at first sight.
but decided to look for other designs.

after a few weeks of looking around.
went back to Soo Kee in vivo..
but not ready to buy.
wanted to look at other designs.

weeks later...
shopped around the whole stretch of shops in Wisma...
in the end... bought it from Soo Kee in Wisma.

First, second and last decision.
It's fated.

You're mine! :)

i wanted a smaller diamond...
bout 0.3 carat

we went out with a group of friends.
one of them got engaged. hers is 0.6 carat!

My bf said when he went for his primary sch friend's wedding dinner.
All the ladies at his table were comparing their rings.
Eeeks!
So he said, "You choose so small, later you go out lose to other people, come home angry with me and scold me."

LOL!
So he got the bigger carat for me.
We are not rich. so a humble one would do.

cos i only go for the design. i don't really care about the diamond.
it's just a rock.

but he's worried in future when my friends start to compare, i will mind.
so he wanted to play safe. haha!

cos i searched for the same design and realised the other shops told me that Brilliant Rose designs cannot be copied by other shops.
so if i like that design, i can only buy from them.

now i got the design i wanted and i'm happy!
zr makes me a very very very happy girl~!!
:D

ok. let the photos do the talking!

The photos are BEFORE editing.. so bear with the "awkwardness" if u feel there is.

I'm not showing all. so you won't be bored of it when i show it during my actual day.
:P

BUT I've chosen most of my favourite wedding pics here!
SO YOU ARE REALLY LUCKY!

LOL!

It's the first one at the top.

And here's what i've chosen for our big bedroom frame.

This photo signifies:
An ever-lasting walk hand-in-hand towards an infinite and never-ending journey.

Haha. Actually, I made that up myself. But we both like it and agree to that statement.
LOL!
Our self-made fairytale in reality.
:):)


Thank you for reading.

How not to love him?

Nah.. it's okay.. you don't have to click and read our mushy stuff.
LOL!
Just keeping a record log again, so in 10 or 20 years time, i can still see this and not forget how wonderful my bf is.


I was doing my work... asking bf for ideas.
After answering,
he randomly said:
Whenever people call you with your surname, it seems serious and scary.

But when he calls me by "Jessica Tan", i can almost know what he's gonna say next. Haha.
Only him can make a difference.
In everything. =)

Something to pin on his board. =P

Marriage Proposal

Time files.. Next month would be our 1st Anniversary.

It felt just like yesterday...
We're happy.

I would be lying if i said there weren't any ups and downs in our relationship, especially at the start of our relationship. It's very shaky.
But now, things have been great.

My wise aunt told me that a relationship shouldn't be 100% perfect, with ups and downs, "细水长流, 就会长久."

We're still like how we were in our initial months.
Except that before we got together he would sms me almost every 2 hours.
At first I felt a bit overwhelming, but I figured he was wooing me, so i just ignore.
Especially the fact that i was having gastric during the time we met, that gave him lots of chance to ask bo liao questions like, "how are you feeling?", "Have you eaten?" etc etc
plus points for being caring huh?


After we got together, lessen down by half! HAHAHA!
SO STANDARD!
But it's okay, now it's considered normal rate.

We still chat on msn or sms each other throughout the day when he's out working.

or

Unglam pic of us chatting at home. Haha~~

I feel really contented with everything now and I'm really not asking for more.
I only ask for us to stay this way.

Although, things are good now..
But who knows about the future, 5, 10, 15 years down the road.
It's a long way to go.

Especially marriage. Gotta stay together. So much friction.
For eg, when ZR is not around, i will occupy myself, or when i'm busy with work, i only concentrate on it.
But when my bf is around, either he'll keep talking to me and distracting me,
or when i free, i expect him to give me back the attention, when he's gaming online which is damn irritating.
Lucky StarCraft is like independent player, and the duration is shorter per battle.
If not, my fuse will surely burn.

Hmm.. I guess with age, many of our friends around us are getting married.
So i guess he tried his luck by asking, "Let's buy HDB together?"

I was like, "No. What a lousy way of asking."

Then he still can say we are Singaporeans, everybody is doing that.

I was like "Ya rite. Then too bad. I'm not a typical Singaporean who allow that kind of proposal. Plus, says who it's everybody, i know there's many who didn't ask this way."

Then when he attended a wedding recently, they were curious how his friend proposed to the wife.

When the groom said, "Buy HDB lor."

There was an awkward slience.

Oh my gosh.. This is so embarrassing.
ZR finally realised that.

DUH.

Pls do not buy into that "BUY HDB" easy-way-out- proposal.

You won't have any memories to keep or share with ur kids in future..

I remembered i didn't even want to acknowledge zr as my bf until he ask me properly, not online or sms.. It's really not sincere..

It's really a good memory on how we officially got together.
Just wanna thank God for giving us this chance of being in a private cabin without people staring at us etc. It'll be so weird.
It's just like how i see some of my friend's wedding proposal.
It's really sweet.
Precious memories to keep.

Yet, on the other hand, because of my family housing problem. I'm really tempted to just get a flat on my own, cos my family is likely to downgrade our hse into a smaller one. Not sure if there's space for me to do my work.

If ZR and I are really getting married, we really don't have enough space to squeeze both of our furniture into one bedroom.

Look at that amount of things in my room. Totally filled up.
Totally a mess. LOL!

Cannot imagine moving into his room unless we stack up our furnitures?

If not, after marriage we still have to live seperately till our BTO hse come in 4 years time.
=/


So! My conclusion is, at most I'll register for the flat, but i won't agree to go ROM until the official proposal.
But i guess he's happy enough for me to go HDB to apply with him.
Half way to his goal. Haha.
Anyway, it also won't be anytime soon.

At least till i graduate... that's in one and half years time..
Plus planning etc.

Might be in 2 years plus time?

Because of this, I've also stopped my medication for skin..
cos ZR keep stressing me if our kids will be healthy or not etc.

I also care about my kids a lot (although we are not planning for one now).
But I can just imagine how much i'll love my child.
So for the sake of their health, i stopped eating it.

I changed to Traditional Chinese Medicine.
Also expensive... one thing smaller than the size of lime is $45~

Cos it's said that Western medicine prevents but doesn't cure.
While Chinese medicine cures the root of the problem..

If TCM also don't cure me..
then my face is literally 无可救药...

Gosh.. I really don't know what will happen to my skin in 2 years time.
I don't want to be an ugly bride!
=(

Our church! =)Just wanna thank my bf for waiting each day after my 10 baptism lessons to end so that he can accompany me home.

Supporting me all the way till my baptism.

I am very happy that he took the effort to talk to my friends, mix well with them and
he's accepted by all my friends.
Be it primary, secondary, poly or NIE.
He's nice to everyone.
=)


He accompanied me everywhere around Singapore
to have my photos taken for my photography module.


He brings me to places I want to go.

Talking bout it.. I'm so busy working then continued with my studies that i had no time to post about my USS trip.

I think it's damn fun!!!
At least to the both of us.
We want to go back again!
=)




This is the place where we 'got married'.Live perforamce with a house-full of audience.

Of all the audience, Donkey chose us to go stand in front of the stage.

Then we introduced ourselves..

Donkey: Have you chosen your date for the big day?

ZR: Not yet...

Donkey: It's alright! The day will be today!

*Everybody laughs*

Both of ZR and I stared at each other in shock.

But we decided to play along with them.
Oh well, it's for the fun of it rite? That's why we go there.

Then Donkey announced us as husband and wife.

Made us kiss and everybody clapped.

It was really funny and embarrassing~
But fun~

There's so many interesting areas all around~






I ran towards and hugged "Puss in boots" cos he's just so DARN CUTE!!!

We took a pic at the same area, but it wasn't as good as the evening shot.

We just so happened to suddenly stopped and say let's take a pic here before we go home.
We were quite surprised how the photo turned out to be
with the castle and the night lightings.



And last pic of the day~
BYEBYE!